what dante said ~ 1986/age 16

      I cannot see your face in mine,
      aside of the warmth in the smile we shared --
      but parts of me seem to echo you,
      parts I never understood.
      Dante
      tells of suicide being less of a crime when it is for love,
      but is that what it was for?
      For here with me
      you had more love than I had ever given,
      were you afraid it might dissolve?

      Surely it has not -- for though you have been gone
      for an eternity of dreams,
      still, I mourn.

      I felt it when you died,
      hard, when I swallowed my heart and went back to sleep.
      And though I knew you lay in that box,
      I could only see you smiling. Maybe
      vif I had seen more than the holes in the wall,
      the holes in your head, the blood on the bed
      I might believe.
      But from the life you gave me, I still feel you inside.
      Though I wept for months,
      waking in sweat to images of your bloood, your ruined face,
      I kept the life you gave to mme.

      And now I am watching someone use my strength to survive,
      yet I have stayed long enough to see that he needs less and less each day
      I see him pull a little bit away each day
      and wonder if this is what you feared.

      I wonder
      if he will need more and more
      leaving me less than I need to survive?

      This time, I must save my own life
      derive it from a strength
      I never knew I had, and leave what I have to him
      as a gift I cannot retract. This much
      you taught me, and I would return to you
      what you lent me if I could,
      but no amount of life would awaken you from such a sleep as yours.

      Someday, when you and I
      join again, we might be able
      to derive that life from things
      I hope to leave behind from us both.
      because for as long as I live,
      so you shall be one of the living, for I still cannot
      let you die just yet.





© 1986/2001